it’s about time i learned that i can only depend on myself for happiness because everyone else will just let me down.
i realized that magical moments don’t always have to be sparkly, flashy, fireworks-in-the-sky-worthy, breathtaking, or even extraordinary. sometimes, magical moments can be walking down the sidewalk in an unfamiliar place, a long hug from someone you didn’t know very well, or a particular feeling of happiness and peace that you can’t quite explain. magic can exist in the most mundane of events and occur in the most mundane of moments. i realized that life is short and sometimes, if you keep waiting around for those big, extraordinary moments, you might just miss those subtle but equally beautiful ones.
i think sex and sexuality should be everyone’s own choice, as long as he or she doesn’t hurt other people through it. sexuality isn’t something to be ashamed of, something to be hidden away and embarrassed about. unfortunately, that’s oftentimes how the christian faith views sex and that’s kind of what i dislike about it. i mean, i listened to an hour long sermon today about why any type of sex outside of marriage is sinful and wrong and shameful.. and i just REALLY disagree. i think sex is the most natural thing and people can choose what they want to do with their bodies as long as they aren’t hurting other people. yes, sometimes people make bad choices regarding sex - but people make bad choices regarding everything. it’s really not as big of a deal as some religious people make it seem. cows fuck, turtles fuck, pigs fuck, all goddamn animals fuck. what makes humans fucking that much of a bigger deal where they are forced to feel shameful for their choices? i really can’t articulate it very well, but the whole message really rubs me the wrong way.
today, as you started to cook our last dinner together before i headed home, you ran into the room to tell me you were extra sad about me leaving this time. i had to write it down because i don’t want to forget about this moment. i want to remember the ways your eyes looked, how the ends pointed slightly downwards, and the way you smelled (as you always do), and most importantly, the way your lips felt as i kissed them and told you i was extra sad today too.
one day, the universe will line up for us.
but today is not that day :(
my hair is always really ugly and messy and half-frizzy,
but for some reason, i like it that way :)
slowly, slowly, slowly
we sink into the people we swore we would never become. i’m not quite sure what to do.
I am frustrated because I work my ass off right now and it doesn’t feel like anything is paying off. I hate that money is such a big deal and I wish I could be motivated by something better than that. Everything is frustrating.
sadly, i don’t think it will ever happen. it’s hard to be patient any longer.
tomorrow is my first day of practicum, so essentially my very first experience with my career. i am very, very, very excited about this, and while i know it’s because of the novelty of the situation, i have decided that, for the rest of my life, i will always try my best to be THIS excited about my work. it’s easy to get stuck in a rut with your job, but i really hope that i will always see everyday i work as an opportunity to hold someone’s hand, to show that i care, and to make a difference. i’ve chosen this path for a reason, and it’s weird but i truly feel like i am MEANT to do this.
our professor told us last year that school psychology isn’t one of those careers you choose because you want to work your way up, be promoted someday and make more money. we will probably never be promoted or see significant increase in our incomes. but we choose this career because it is our calling. we genuinely feel passionate about what we do and that’s all that really matters. it’s really a career fueled by passion and i hope i will always feel this way.